Hey, I'm allowed to have wine.....

....at my baby shower!! How many expectant mom's can say that!?!? :-) Tonight was the last of our baby showers, with the girls (and Erik) at the restaurant. It was nice. Betty made a beautiful cake!! Nick opened most of the presents; I think he enjoyed himself. We have received the most wonderful gifts from our friends and family over the last couple weeks.

Today was our ultrasound appointment with the birthmother. It went well. She introduced us to the nurse as 'the baby's adoptive parents.' Everything with the baby is great. Right now, she is about 7 1/2 pounds! We were able to watch her stretching and curling her toes. She kept pointing her finger, she sucked on her wrist. From the looks of things, our little valentine has lots of hair on her head. It was so cool to watch her move and see her strong heart beat. We already love this little girl so much - we can't wait to meet her face-to-face!!

Some great advice, from all ages....

This afternoon was my second baby shower. Last week, my family had a small one. Today was filled with close friends and prayer warriors. As I sit her glancing over all the wonderful gifts we were given today, I'm am so anxious to meet our little girl! We've been given so many useful presents - diapers, bottles, blankets, bibs, wipe warmers, diaper bags, and oh, the pink clothes!!!

Today, we received probably the most useful gift of all. Every guest was asked to write some parenting advice for Nick and me. Here are some of the words of wisdom:

• Remember each child is unique; what works for one may not work for another
• Rotate toys in and out of storage; kids will think they are new
• Sleep when the baby is sleeping
• Read her the Bible and Bible stories
• Realize each moment - whether stressful or joyous - will only happen once, so relish it
• Pick your battles wisely and learn to let things go
• Enjoy getting to know the characteristics and traits that make each child unique
• Take lots of pictures and videos
• Remember there are no perfect parents
• Church is non-negotiable but a clean room is leverage to do fun things later :)
• Have a bedtime routine and stick to it
• Take time to keep the marriage strong
• Don't be afraid to ask for help
• Offer lots of hugs, kisses and 'I love you's'
• Don't buy expensive toys because their favorite thing will be the box!
• Keep going on dates with one another
• Live, laugh and learn together
• Remember each child is a gift from God
• Keep the marriage top priority
• Don't use baby talk; kids pick up language skills very well

Finally, this advice came from my friend Angela's 6 year old daughter - "Don't yell; if you yell, it will make the kid yell, too." Smart girl!

And we thought we didn't have much time to prepare!?!?

So, I emailed an update to everyone in our adoptive parenting class. We were so happy to hear one of the other couples has welcomed a handsome baby boy into their family! Oh, boy is he handsome!!! We thought 9 weeks was not much time to get prepared for a baby - they found out about their son the day he was born! He came home just in time for Christmas! Congrats Mandy & Rod!!!!

It's probably nothing.....

Our birthmother has to have another ultra sound next week. At her last appointment, the doctor said her stomach is measuring too small. I asked around and looked online to find out what that means. It could be a number of things.....perhaps the baby was laying in a funny position, maybe the weight of the baby is lower than than it should be at this point. Worst case, it could mean there has been some loss of amniotic fluid.

In any case, it means she gets to have another ultra sound - and she asked us to take her!!! We're excited to meet the doctor, ask questions, get pictures - and of course, spend a little more time with the birthmother.

Oh, and if it has something to do with the amniotic fluid, there's the possiblity our little Valentine will arrive early!! :-)

Girl? Boy? Due date? Important stuff!!!!

Oh yeah, almost forgot important stuff like that!

It's a girl!!!!!!!!

She will be delivered by c-section on Monday, February 11. After waiting the 72 hours, we can bring home a very special present on Valentine's Day!!!!

Open Adoption and State Laws

I feel like I should start this post with a disclaimer. This blog is all about our experience. We are not lawyers. If you have legal questions, call your own lawyer. We can only share what we've learned and how we understand things to be.

Our agency specializes in Open Adoptions. Before the birth of the baby, birthparents and adoptive parents talk in the phone and often meet in person. After the birth, the relationship can be whatever the families decide. Most keep in touch through email, mailed letters and pictures and a few visits, at least for the first year. We've heard of studies looking into how openness affects the child, with very inconclusive results. However, when the studies look beyond the child to the birth and adoptive families, the results overwhelmingly show a more positive experience when the adoption is open.

In our case, we've really grown to love our brithmother and want her to be part of our family. I don't want to put details about her out here, but I will say she is a very sweet person. She is tall, thin and beautiful. A lot of her features are similar to Nick's and mine - she has dark hair, brown eyes, was blond as a child. Although her hair is straight, curls run in her family!

A friend of mine, and fellow adoptive mother whose beautiful baby girl was born in November described it to me this way: The birthmom is kind of like an aunt. Some live nearby and we get to see them often. Others live far away where we rarely get to see them, but we still keep in touch. But all of them love us, would do anything for us, and want to know we are doing well. Beautifully put! Thanks Kristin!!!!!

So, when does the baby become our child? In Ohio, the birthmother must wait 72 hours after the birth of the baby to sign papers. Once the papers are signed, her rights are terminated. Can she wait longer than 72 hours? Yes. This is her choice, her decision. She can change her mind at any point until the papers are signed. After bringing the baby home, we will have monthly visits from our social worker to make sure we are good parents and are maintaining a safe environment for the child. The adoption is normally finalized when the child is 6 months old.

There is a period of time when things may be stressful as we wait to know if we will be bringing a baby home or if the birthmother will decide to parent. We feel good about things now, but believe things can change when you hold that baby in your arms for the first time. This is where we ask for your prayers! Yes, we would be very sad. But, we know if this isn't the baby God intends us to raise, we have to wait for Him to lead us to the one who is!

Beginning our Journey

Our journey really began about 2 years ago when we found out getting pregnant would be difficult for us. Nothing makes you want a child more than being told you can't have one, right?? We began talking about our options and from the beginning, adoption was on top of our list - but we had no idea where to start!

This past year, we've really been serious about wanting to expand our family. We considered fertility and were still thinking about adoption. It always amazes me how God uses everyday people in our lives to lead us toward His plan. Three or 4 women I know were telling me I needed to go to a particular doctor in the area. My new doctor told me about this 'Adoptive Parenting' class available at Kettering Hospital. So, Nick and I decided to try it out. After the first night, we made the decision to pursue adoption and not even consider fertility treatments.

From there, things have happened very quickly! Here's a brief timeline:

• 10/8/07 - first night of Adoptive Parenting class
• 10/25/07 - initial meeting with agency
• 11/18/07 - meet with social worker to complete home study, finish Life Book (scrapbook about us and our families)
• 11/25/07 - home study finished and submitted to agency
• 12/11/07 - call from agency about a possible match
• 1/4/08 - first meeting with our birthmother after a few phone calls

Yeah, things don't normally happen so quickly. It's funny, when we started the process, I was adamant that we have our home study and life books finished by December 1. There was really no reason for me to feel this way, except that December is busy for Nick at the restaurant and I thought it was either that or wait until after Christmas. Now, I know the date and the push came from God. It had to be that way for our birthmother to pick us!